I hung on to unforgiveness and bitterness as if it were my most prized possession and my heart and mind were often consumed by revenge. How can I make him pay for the hurt he caused my and my son?
I married very young, the first time. It lasted only a few years and it was toxic and abusive. Even at that, I would have stayed had he not left. For ten years, I held on to unforgiveness. I was angry. I mourned what I had lost and focused in on what I used to have and not what lay ahead.
In the middle of it, Jesus began to fill the void in my hurting heart. He gently surround me with the love I had never really experienced. He gave me a husband who was willing to love me through it all. He showed me, not just what a gentleman, father, husband and man of God was, but He somehow began to tell me that I deserved to be loved. I was valued and truly prized by Him. He let me know that I was worth it even though I felt so unworthy. He enveloped me with a family of people who accepted me for who I was. He didn’t erase the hurt, but he began to expose it for what it was so that I could move toward being healed.
I held on to unforgiveness for a decade. Not only did I pay a price for it, but so did those around me. I say all of this to say that if you are holding on to resentment, ask God to help you forgive. Ask the Lord to heal your hurt. Choose today to bow and release your stubbornness and need to be vindicated and right to Jesus. He is the only one that can heal you. The only one that can fill you completely. The only one who can not only restore you, but shower you with blessing beyond your wildest dreams. I know, that had I not chosen to forgive, the life I live now would not be possible. I am blessed only because of the grace and love of Jesus.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. Somehow it seems wrong as we are the one that has been hurt. It seems wrong to let someone go free while we are writhing in pain. It doesn’t make any sense. But the word of God is true. Out of forgiveness flows unmistakable undeniable love and joy. The enemy wants to keep that life from you but God wants you to experience the fullness of it! Don’t let the enemy rob you of your life.
I wrote a letter to him to tell him I forgave him. I released it all to the Lord and was set free to be who He created me to be. I won’t lie, it wasn’t instantaneous and it was painful. Growing, healing, forgiving, loving self and loving others is a process and, truth be told, I am still that work in progress. I recognize unforgiveness immediately as it so easily can become a place of comfort. I am familiar with it as it feels like a long-lost part of myself. When it shows up, I immediately choose to go right to the Lord and ask for his help. Jesus knows. He is there. He will heal your broken heart. You are stronger than you think you are. You are worth more than you know. Choose today to forgive and let God begin to shower you with the life He’s always meant for you to live. I pray you chose life!
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13